New Officers

Just so you know, 47 recruits graduated the Academy Wednesday . The first class in how many months? Or is it years now? Rahm welcomed them all aboard:

• The mayor welcomed a new class of Chicago police graduates Wednesday morning, the first in nearly a year.

  The last time there was a class graduating from Chicago's police academy was May of last year, and it comes as Mayor Rahm Emanuel and the police department tries to deal with gang violence throughout the city.

But there's a downside:

• But, as 50 officers are added to the force, the Fraternal Order of Police reminds the public that about 600 officers leave every year to retirement and resignation.

But we know something the FOP doesn't know, and we're going to share it with our readers, exclusively!

• Each of the 47 graduating recruits, every single one of them, has....
  
  wait for it....
  
  SUPER POWERS!

That's right! Some can punch through brick walls. Others can outrun Wile E. Coyote. We have it on the highest authority that at least a dozen of them can fly! And if the rumors are to be believed, at least two can turn themselves invisible.

Shhhh. Don't tell anyone, but with recruits like these working "in the box," we fully expect crime to drop even more in the coming months. They will be the pride and joy of McNewStrategy, fully versed in Comp-Speak and impervious to sarcasm in any form.

Good Luck kids.