Why Is It....?

A reader noticed this:

• How come McNumbers can claim weather has nothing to do with the homicide totals, then turn around and tell everyone that an extremely mild March set the pace for a spike in Chicago murders that we never recovered from?

 Everyone knows the answer to that one:

• Trayvon Martin

Duh.

And remember:

• The power of the freedom of the press is a flaming sword. That it may be a servant of all the people, use it justly—hold it high—and guard it well.

Unless Rahm says don't publish it - then hold the sword somewhere behind your back and pretend no one sees anything going on. Swords are pointy and might hurt some politicians' feelings.

Can't Fix Stupid

Darwin in action once again:

• A man from Joliet was demonstrating the safety mechanism of his brand hew handgun when he accidentally shot himself to death.
  
  21-year-old Deon Perry died Saturday.
  
  Police say Perry and some friends were in a car outside his home Friday. He pointed the .25-caliber gun at his face and pulled the trigger to show how well the safety worked, but the safety wasn't on.

That's one mistake he won't be repeating.

Preckwinkle Shoots Her Mouth

And then hits reverse so fast the media almost didn't publish it:

• Cook County Board President Toni Preckwinkle today publicly blasted Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s crime-fighting strategy and the quality of the public schools he controls, then quickly walked back the remarks.
  The Democratic leader said her criticism was targeted at society as a whole and not the mayor personally, much as she did last summer when she harshly criticized former President Ronald Reagan for his role in the war on drugs.
  The comments about Emanuel came during a question-and-answer session during a luncheon at the Union League Club. Preckwinkle was asked how to address Chicago violence.
  “Clearly, this mayor and this police chief have decided the way in which they are going to deal with the terrible violence that faces our community is just arrest everybody,” Preckwinkle said. “I don’t think in the long term that’s going to be successful.
  “We’re going to have to figure out how to have interventions that are more comprehensive than just police interventions in the communities where we have the highest rates of crime. And they’re almost all in African-American and Latino communities.”

Seems like a call to pull out of minority neighborhoods - and completely the opposite of Rahm's current strategy of abandoning the taxpaying areas to service those who leech off of society.

So far, Preckwinkle is having trouble finding some place that delivers rainbows and unicorns.

678 Parkers; $105,000 in Fines

And one whole bunch of blame looking for a place to land:

• It might just be a world record.
  
  At the very least one particular car has set a City of Chicago record for having been issued the most parking violations ever and having accumulated the most parking fines in the city’s history.
  
  The city claims Jennifer Fitzgerald owes over $100,000 in parking tickets.
  
  No, that’s not a typo or a few misplaced zeros on the end.
  
  The amount is actually 105,761 dollars and 80 cents to be precise.
  
  This is the total mind boggling debt the City of Chicago says the 31 year old, single mother of one, allegedly owes for parking violations on a single vehicle.
  

The story involves a car parked in an employee lot at O'Hare for three years and numerous policies for removal of said car ignored for those three years. But you know who's going to look worst in this event.

The Police Department.

Granted, it was probably hilarious to see the car parked where it was for years on end, covered in faded orange paper that was a few hundred Parking Violation Notices. But at some point, someone ought to have written the thing up as "abandoned" and stopped papering it. At least, that's the way it's going to play out with the ongoing lawsuit. We've got as much (or more) of a sense of humor as the next copper, but the affected citizen might make off with some taxpayer dollars over this silliness. Hopefully, no copper catches time over it.

The Expired Meter has the entire story and they're getting some mileage out of it.

A Town Called Chicago

This is priceless:

• ...the [Israeli Defense Forces] realized that it had to push its engineering corps to improve its “art of destruction,” which had apparently spun out of control. As part of these efforts, two months after the attack on Jenin, in June 2002, the military started to build a series of urban warfare training sites and to upgrade existing ones. The mock-up town of Shizafon (last image), located in the Negev desert and hidden from view by mountains, reflects Israeli Orientalist fantasy.
  
  Another small mock-up town called Chicago and also located in the Negev, was upgraded into the world’s largest fabricated Oriental city since the filming of Ben-Hur. In fact the “urban” history of Chicago has shadow-tracked much of the history of the military operations that have taken place in the Middle East, reflecting a series of changes in how Israel imagines its security.
  
  The core of Chicago was built as a small training site for IDF urban operations in Lebanon. It later expanded to accommodate the training of IDF special forces for their aborted operation to assassinate Saddam Hussein in Tiqrit. Chicago further expanded before the Iraq war to allow for heavy military vehicles and was used for training by the US Marines. In the summer of 2005, training for the evacuation of the Gaza settlements took place there, with actors playing settlers barricading themselves within their homes. Chicago now includes an area called the Kasbah (a historical-looking market area with narrow alleys), an urban outskirts, a refugee camp, a downtown area, and even an adjacent rural village.

The IDF has an urban warfare training center called "Chicago," allegedly because of all the shooting that happens here. And they lend it to the US Marines for training purposes.

Maybe they can put in a North Michigan Avenue section next.

Meet Me in the Deserted Alley...

This is part of a trend we've seen over the past year or three - why trust to blind luck when you can have the victims just bring you their stuff?

• Bail was set at $350,000 today for a 20-year-old man charged in several robberies where victims were attacked when they responded to ads posted on Craigslist, authorities said.
  
  Andrew Jones, of the 8100 block of South Merrill Avenue, was charged with aggravated assault and armed robbery in connection with several robberies connected to an advertisement on Craigslist, police said.
  
  Police had issued an alert earlier this week warning of people who were robbed when responding to an ad on the site. The victims met a man at a certain location where they were met by an armed robber who forced them to the rear of the location and robbed them, police said.

It's almost like shopping at home.  And you know what they're bringing you in advance.  One victim from Wheeling got gut-shot for his troubles.  Why on earth would you bring anything into the city, let alone some of the neighborhoods this guy was prowling in?

All Right You Jokers

OK, who put the Romney bumper sticker on the Commander's ride? This just came through from a gold star fan of ours:

• Please ensure a supervisor visually inspects EVERY vehicle assigned to your district or parked at your facility by 0900 hours tomorrow morning. It has been raised that there may be a vehicle or two that have non-approved items affixed. Anything found will be removed immediately. If the item cannot be removed it will be transported to the appropriate garage where the vehicle will be taken out of service until the item can be removed.

Unless they're talking about that Direct TV dish we had installed the other day? 

Anti-Gun Logic Insanity

Sometimes, the logic employed by anti-gun politicos amazes us.  Actually, it's a lack of logic:

• Chicago Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy said today that he would like to see gun owners in Illinois have to report when their weapons are stolen, lost or sold – steps he said would lower the number of firearms in the hands of criminals.

Decent law abiding citizens already do that. A gun is a few hundred dollars worth of investment. If it disappears, that's a problem. But this stretches credibility:

• “We keep trying to pass comprehensive gun legislation,” he added. “And my recommendation is to really start small. The fact is that if there was a requirement to report the loss, transfer or theft of a firearm in the state of Illinois, that would significantly limit the number of firearms in the city of Chicago.”

It would? Can you explain exactly how that would work? Criminals would forgo bringing a stolen gun into Chicago because it was....reported stolen? Guess what? If they need a gun to kill someone, light up a corner, stick up a tourist, the last thing they're worried about is if the gun is on some hot sheet.

Is this guy for real? We knew he surrendered his testicles when he signed up for this job - all superintendents are the mayor's bitch - but to relinquish your brain?

Oh, and it gets nuttier:

• When Officer Del Pearson was shot in March the gun “was purchased by a 52-year-old woman in the state of Illinois in 1972. She died in Little Rock, Ark. in 2006,” he said. “Where has that gun been since 1972?

How about "none of your fucking business" Garry?

This is a logical argument?  On what planet? The gun appears to have purchased legally.  No one says if it was purchased in Cook County or maybe Tazewell, Massac or Randolph county.  The owner moved out of Illinois, as so many of us dream of doing one day, and passed away in Arkansas six years ago.  Who exactly is going to report the gun "missing?"  We guess since the dead vote in Chicago, now they have to report when guns change hands?

For all we know, it was willed to an heir of her estate in Arkansas who is under no obligation to report that an Illinois purchased gun has changed hands, if they even know where the lady got it in the first place.  We're also pretty sure that receipts for gun transactions only have to be kept for 10 years - this gun was already 34 years old when the owner died.

But this is what anti-gun folks cling to - nonsense, bullshit and a complete lack of logical thought.

Unfit for Office

Running away once again:

• Sneed hears U.S. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr., who is in a world of hurt and heat ­— medically and legally — may be returning to Mayo Clinic for treatment.
  
  A Sneed source who claims to have visited Jackson this week said, “Jesse wanted you to know he is finding it difficult to continue his treatment because the press is staking out his home and making access to his doctor, who is within a short walking distance from his home, incredibly hard.”
  
  “He said his doctors are considering sending him back to Mayo Clinic for treatment.”
  

That, plus the press is making it awfully difficult on the domestic front if JJJr. can't meet strange women in bars.

Bribe Not Big Enough

This is badly worded:

• An appeals court has reversed the bribery conviction of a Chicago zoning inspector on grounds the value of two $600 payoffs he received weren't high enough.
  
  The 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Chicago issued the ruling Thursday.
  
  Dominick Owens was arrested in 2009 for allegedly accepting $1,200 to issue certificates permitting owners to occupy their homes after construction. He allegedly issued them without inspections.
  
  His 2011 conviction stemmed from an investigation of inspectors dubbed “Operation Crooked Code.” It led to more than a dozen arrests.
  
  An FBI affidavit said Owens accepted thousands of dollars from a cooperating witness.
  
  But the court found prosecutors failed to prove the value of the bribes was $5,000 or more as required under the law used to convict Owens. 

OK, we understand the statute may have been misapplied, but "the bribe wasn't big enough" is going to lead to all sorts of confusion.

Enter At Your Own Risk

This is a hell of a jab at the Detroit politicos:

• The Detroit Police Officers Association is warning citizens and out-of-towners that they enter Detroit at their own risk, saying that the "grossly understaffed" and overworked police force cannot adequately protect the public in the increasingly violent city.
  
  “Detroit is America’s most violent city, its homicide rate is the highest in the country and yet the Detroit Police Department is grossly understaffed,” DPOA Attorney Donato Iorio told WWJ over the weekend. “The DPOA believes that there is a war in Detroit, but there should be a war on crime, not a war on its officers.”

Not only that, but they're handing out informational fliers to fans attending playoff games: 

Imagine handing these out on Michigan Avenue or near the 018 District tourist areas. Rahm's head would explode.

Isn't This Ironic?

CeaseFire suffers a casualty:

• A former employee of the CeaseFire violence prevention program was fatally shot today in the Woodlawn neighborhood on the South Side, officials said.
  
  Marlon Lee, 36, was driving when his car came to rest on the 6100 block of South Woodlawn Avenue at about 10 a.m., police said. The Cook County medical Examiner's office said he was shot on the 1200 block of East 65th Street.
  
  Lee of Chicago Heights, was found shot in the back and was taken to Northwestern Memorial Hospital, where he was pronounced dead at 10:45 a.m., according to police and the Cook County medical examiner's office.

Must have been out there on the front lines, right?

Thank Goodness for Downtown

If we didn't have HQ, how would we ever have survived without directions like these?

Did you know you could freeze bread to keep it fresher longer? We had no idea, and neither did a few of our ex-wives. Who knows what would have happened if our prisoners had to actually eat bread that was over 10 days old. Amnesty International might have gotten involved.

And that "color coding" thing? Genius! We would probably have just taken a sharpie and written an "arrival date" on the bottom. Thank goodness they closed our lockup and we don't have to deal with these logistical nightmares any more. Can you imagine if they had a "bread requisition form" and you actually had to send someone to an area or Equipment and Supply to get a loaf of bread?  Mayhem!

Funny Stuff

Crime is down!!!

• Finally some good news! ...as reported from THE ONION
  
  "Chicago Public Schools Celebrate Fifth Straight Day Without Any Student Violence"
  
  "CHICAGO—Jubilant Chicago Public Schools officials announced Friday that, for five straight days now, there has not been a single act of student violence in any of the city’s 675 public schools. “Our classrooms and hallways are safer now than they’ve ever been,” said CPS chief executive Jean-Claude Brizard, happily noting that there have been no reported instances of beatings, stabbings, sexual assaults, or shootings in any of the city’s public schools this week. “We’ve had no incidents of weapons being brought onto school property, nor has anyone had to break up a fistfight between students. We’ve all had to work together for this, but it’s paid off. Let’s keep it up!” At press time, a gunfight on Chicago’s South Side had reportedly claimed the lives of three 16-year-old boys."

McLookAtMe says "Ribbons for everybody!"

Dude, Where's The Rest of My Car?

(photo from WGN):

• Charges have been filed against a suspected car thief who led Chicago police on a high-speed chase through the West Side and down the Eisenhower Expressway.

  Harvey Green, 24, managed to elude police but then crashed after taking the Sacramento exit off the Eisenhower Wednesday morning, sheering off the rear wheels of the car he had stolen, police said. He remains hospitalized this morning.
  
  Green, of the 1100 block of South Francisco Avenue, was charged with possession of a stolen vehicle and aggravated fleeing, both felonies, police said.

Looks like he was just headed home and needed a set of wheels. That's a crime now?

That's going to leave a mark

Aggravated Battery?

Shooting up north:

• A 16-year-old boy was seriously wounded early this morning in a shooting on the North Side in the city's Uptown neighborhood.

  About 1:41 a.m., the youth told police he was walking from his residence on the 4600 block of North Winthrop Avenue when he heard shots and soon after felt pain in his leg, said Police News Affairs [...].

  The boy asked for help from an unknown bystander who drove the youth to Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center where his condition was stabilized, [police] said.

  The boy suffered wounds to his leg and groin area, police said.

Poor guy. Shot in the leg and groin. Ouch.

Uptown Update gets to the bottom of it pretty quickly though:

• So it all sounded really peculiar. That's why it wasn't a surprise when we got an email from someone who's in the know (who requested anonymity):
  

  The inside scoop on this morning's "shooting"... The bullet had a downward trajectory and the "victim" had powder burns on his clothes. He was tucking a gun in his waistband and accidentally shot himself.

  We're guessing he was inside an apartment or house and that's why no one heard the noise of his gun going off.
  
  So it's scary that a 16-year-old kid, who has a 10pm city curfew, was tucking a loaded gun into his pants as part of his going-out-on-the-town ensemble at 1:41am.

Pardon our laughter. Anyone know if the "main stream media" has amended their report yet? And CompStat? We're betting that they couldn't wait to unload this one from the totals.

Another Mixed Message

Rahm and the City Council continue to defy federal law:

• Undocumented immigrants who witness crimes or are victims themselves would have nothing to fear from Chicago Police--and no excuse to avoid cooperating with them--under a mayoral plan approved by the City Council Wednesday.

  [...] Emanuel added,"We are a city of immigrants. Always will be and always have been...As the grandson and the son of an immigrant, this is true to who we are as a city. I'm glad the city of Chicago led the nation in setting down a clear path as it relates to how we welcome all immigrants to the most American of American cities."

  The so-called "Welcome City" ordinance would prohibit police from detaining undocumented immigrants unless they are wanted on a criminal warrant or have been convicted of a serious crime.

Because you know Rahm's family didn't go through all the tedious hassle of applying for passage, following the rules, taking citizenship tests, etc. They just appeared one day and ....what? They didn't? They followed the rules? Hmmmm. Imagine that.

But then this appears on Channel 7 the exact same day:

• Thirty-seven convicted criminal aliens were arrested in the Chicago area and Northwest Indiana in a three-day sweep.

  U.S. immigration officials say the 31 of the fugitives had convictions for crimes ranging from battery to murder. Twelve had been ordered to leave the country but failed to do so; and six had been deported before by re-entered illegally, which is a felony.

  The fugitives, all male, are from four countries -- 34 from Mexico and one each from Poland, Guatemala and Trinidad.

So the feds are still doing their thing, but we can't assist in any way. It's all so confusing.

Speed Camera Snag

This is hilarious (Tribune link, but not behind their firewall yet):

• A quirk in Illinois traffic laws has complicated Mayor Rahm Emanuel's plan to pepper the city with speed cameras and slowed down bidding on a multimillion-dollar system scheduled to begin issuing $100 tickets by early next year.

  The problem: a 38-year-old opinion by the Illinois attorney general that says children must be "visibly present" before school zone speed limits can be enforced.

  What that means is those robotic safety-zone cameras must not only capture high-definition images of speeding cars and their license plates, they also must seek out and photograph a child as much as a football field's distance away — preferably in the same shot.

So either they're going to need multiple cameras or a giant pan-and-scan shot that gets some sort of panoramic view?

Well, since it's all for the children anyway....

This entire episode is revealing everything that comes out of Rahm's mouth as a lie and its always and will ever be about the $$$$$, not the kids.

Isn't That Precious?

Hey CeaseFire? You got a million dollars of taxpayers' money without any oversight and no obligations to report to any government agency. How's that working out for you?

We see you're spending it on bumper stickers to hand out. That's nice.

Symbols

A few months ago, Shaved broke a story about gang symbolism in the soon-to-be-issued Chicago City Sticker. After refusing to cover it for a day or so, the story exploded across the main stream media, resulting in politicians, police, former police officials, gang "experts" and a whole conglomeration of media types discussing what Herbie "weepy child" Pulgar meant by his hand symbols. The hand-wringing by liberals was enough to bring tears to the eyes of the most hardened drug dealers (like Herb Dilla himself), and enough to make us want to vomit.

Conveniently ignored during and since was Herbie's self admitted gang status in a number of arrests prior to his 15 minutes of fame and his continued law breaking ways since, all associated with the maniac latin disciples. The willingness of the simple minded to not see anything wrong or even remotely suspicious of the hands and heart symbols embraced by the gang and transposed to the city sticker was nothing short of amazing.

Now we have another m.l.d. under arrest, this time for attempting to murder a police officer. Not only does he belong to the same gang as Herbie, a gang McCatGotMyTongue promised to "obliterate" a year ago, but the Tribune posted his booking photo on line in another effort to prove how blind they are to hidden symbolism:

My, what a handsome fellow. Facial tats, who knows what on his neck and that goatee...that lovely goatee. That goatee that seems to be sculpted into .... would you look at that? It's a pitchfork.

This asshole, and all his ilk (yes, even like lil Herbie), insert their symbols into everything. It isn't by accident, it isn't happenstance, it's a deliberate effort on all of their parts to publicize, advertise, broadcast their affiliation and rub it in everyone's face who isn't in on the symbolism.