Rahm's Tomatoes

Oh the stories you hear that the media would never report:
  • It seems that recently Rahm came home and found a brown paper bag sitting on his front porch and demanded to know how it got there and what it was from his security detail. After all, there are police guarding his house front and rear 24/7.

    The police are not supposed to come on the front porch and the 1st watch detail knew nothing about it. Looking inside it was determined that it contained tomatoes and various vegetables.

    When the cops on duty couldn't explain how it got there the full court press was initiated. First the commander of the bodyguard unit was contacted. The mayor was livid. Who the fuck was playing around with hizzoner.

    Then up it went, deputy chief was contacted, commander of 019 was called, DSS of course and who knows who else or how high the brouhaha went but this was SERIOUS! An errrant bag of vegetables on Rahm's front porch and his highly paid security detail knew nothing about it! What the fu.....

    So they finally got to the bottom of this, after calls, screaming, blah blah blah.

    It seems that this summer an organic vegetable garden was installed in the mayor's back yard . A state of the art vegetable garden for organic vegetables complete with an irrigation system, special soil, nice wooden construction , the works. It also came with the the company proprietor planting a full garden worth of organic vegetables, including of all things, tomatoes and other makings for salads etc.

    It also seems that this proprietor comes over and picks the vegetables that grow there and leaves them for the family in brown paper bags. Normally the bag o'salad is handed directly to the Mrs but not this day. The Mrs was out of town and Rahm was out late doing mayoral shit for the kids so Ms. Organic Garden Lady left the bag of potential killer tomatoes on the porch and the knowledge on what it was with 3rd watch officers.

    It also seems that 3rd Watch neglected to inform 1st Watch about the bag of tomatoes sitting on the front porch so when Rahm came home he suspected that perhaps it was a visit from Hamas or Hezbollah or worse.

    That is when the investigation started.

    The truth was quickly revealed. Nothing worse than a 1st Watch Officer not wearing his vest and a police shirt with several buttons unbuttoned was found. All the bosses could again sleep in relative peace. And Rahm had a bag of fresh vegetables from his own garden.

    And the Case of the Killer Tomatoes was closed with no evil consequence. And so far as can be determined, just one officer was tossed off the detail for not wearing his vest and not buttoning his shirt all the way.

    No word on what became of the 3rd Watch crew who forgot to hand off the bag of vegetables to the 1st Watch. One more thing to go on the check list for the future. Don't forget to hand off the vegetables!
We couldn't make this up if we tried, and believe us, we've tried. This, however, is 100% true.


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